A FEELING THAT I'M ACTUALLY LIVING!

Ya know what?  

It feels pretty dang good to get to dinner time, start winding down from the day, and feel like I got a freaking lot DONE.  💫

I so appreciate that feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT!!  🏆 #internalsatisfaction 

Prolly cuz as a new mom there were many days I got to the end of the day and felt so defeated, like "Did today even matter??" "Did I do anything that really made a difference?"

And it's not cuz I wasn't fulfilled in the role of motherhood. It's cuz I wasn't taking care of ME enough to even GIVE to others, not even to my family!
 

To explain that more.... (and please don't judge me)..... but when I first had kids I remember putting my kids in an enclosed play pin, & putting on the TV to entertain them so I could sleep on the couch.  

Literally, checking OUT mentally & emotionally. I couldn't handle LIFE. I felt so overwhelmed with the smallest things. So depressed. So lethargic. So drained. So UNmotivated. Every day the same. The definition of STUCK IN A RUT.  

It's such a night and day difference to how I feel now!  

Taking care of ME has changed everything. I started with taking care of myself physically. Then mentally and spiritually and emotionally...... ALL ENCOMPASSING health, THAT is what I wanted! & that is what I value.  

Do I have a six pack abs? Nope!  #notwhativalue 

But you know what I do have?  

A feeling that I'm ACTUALLY LIVING.  
 

I have filled MY cup so much I can actually show UP for my kids as a mom, and show up for my husband.... and ALSO show up in the world and CONTRIBUTE for good.  

I can't speak for all those who have felt suicidal. But I can say for ME, the years I struggled with suicidal feelings it's cuz I felt the world would be better off WITHOUT me, like me being here was only causing others pain.  #selfshametothemax 

Now, I know my life MATTERS.  

I spend my day SERVING. Seeking ways to add value to my family, and those on my team and fitness groups.  

And I'm not gonna lie..... it feels really really good.  

Ending this day with massive gratitude!!! This Beachbody avenue, this journey, it's been SUCH a blessing. Thank you Beachbody. Thank you Scottie Hobbs for showing me what's possible. & thank you God.  

Life is good.  🌸

#sodangGRATEFUL #fillyourcupFIRST#DOsomethingwithyourlife #youmatter