CHILDREN ARE IMITATORS

I saw this quote tonight and now I'm thinking over this crazy little journey of life. I guess that will happen if the kids are busy watching a movie on a road trip and I'm left with quiet time. Lol. 

But this quote is very very true. In fact, the reality of this is what snapped me out of my life funk! 💫

You guys know I first became acquainted with depression as a kid in sixth grade. It was a constant companion for over a decade to follow.  😿

When I met and married Jayson I knew for sure I wanted to be with him and be married. 💘 But I DEFINITELY didn't feel ready to be a mom, I was very aware I needed to work out mental issues and get stable. But God had other plans, and after being married 3 months we were pregnant. Shortly after, pregnant again.  😵

We stopped relying on birth control 😜, got an IUD instead, and had a few years before Phoebe was born. 

By the time Phoebe came around I could see the personalities of my oldest two really coming out. I wondered so much what Phoebe would be like. 

I'll never forget being in the hospital when Phoebe was born (the day before I turned 29) and looking down at her perfect little face, feeling so much love for this new little human being. And I wondered, "will she be like me since our birthdays are so close?" 🤔

Instant pit in my stomach. "I'm not okay with that!!!" Huge wake up call! 

I wasn't living a life I could be proud of. I will spare you the details, but I wasn't the person I would hope my kids to one day emulate. 

I was starting the last year of my 20's, and for the first time since junior high OFF anti depressants. I'm grateful for anti depressants, and feel they definitely have a place. But for ME it made me numb, to everything. 😐

When Phoebe came along I was managing depression holistically and I was awake enough to realize I needed to make serious changes. 

🔆 Cuz my kids deserved to live in a Christ centered loving home. 

🔆 Cuz my kids deserved to witness intentional growth, healthy habits, & pure joy! 

🔆 Cuz my kids deserve to have a mother worthy of imitation. 

These kids were my motivation to get started. And for that, I am grateful!